Boundaries are everywhere. There are physical boundaries, like the door to our house, the lines between cities, states, or countries, and even our physical bodies. There are also emotional boundaries. For example, do we talk about our feelings, or do we talk about baseball and the weather with someone? Boundaries can also be financial. Do I share how much I make or how much I have in savings? Do we share a joint bank account? What is your money and what is my money? You can even think about boundaries in terms of time. How much time do I spend with this person? A few minutes, a few hours, or do I take a two-week-long vacation with them? It is extremely useful to think about boundaries consciously, and this is something we can do in talk therapy.
More than anything else, boundaries are important because they protect us. They protect us by keeping out people or situations that could otherwise hurt us. The fallout from not keeping good boundaries can range from simply being uncomfortable to being taken advantage of, seriously hurt, and, in the worst cases, traumatized. It is very important to keep healthy boundaries.
In the best situations, keeping boundaries comes naturally, and we do so without thinking. Some of us were lucky and were taught good boundaries as children. Others may have been quick on the uptake and figured it out on their own. But often, it is not easy. Sometimes people push our boundaries. Other times, people can have too few boundaries. And then there are those who have too many boundaries. Yes, there are those too, and that can also be a problem because it can be very lonely. Tricky, right? Those people may have vulnerability issues, often because they have been hurt one too many times. Once you get boundaries right, your relationships, happiness, and success in life can improve tremendously.
